Lost in Translation?

I am greeted by two smiling faces as I exit the airprt in Madrid, holding a sign that spells my entire name! "I thought that only happened in the movies." We load my enormous, overweight bags into a car the size of a golf cart. "I guess cars only come grande en Tejas!" I make it back into their beautiful four story abode. I meet the rascals, tres guapo ninos. I eat lunch and take a nap. I wake for dinner which consists of fruits and veggies. Side note: If I come back skinny, you know why.

We walk around the neighborhood post dinner. I'm in love and in the middle of a conversation that I don't comprehend. Side note: I smile and nod! "When do mi clases de Espanol begin again?"

Forced sleep that never came...it is now 8:22 am here and I have yet to rest. Jet lag is real.

Task of the day perfecting a stick shift..."Oh, snaps."

International Air...

Let's begin at the Air Canada airport counter. I guess being a Bitch comes naturally for some! So I am patiently waiting at the check-in counter for 45 minutes. I look at my cell phone time and think, "Damn only 45 minutes left to my departure and I still have to make it through security." This rude woman really wants me to get ignorant with her ass. Am I invisible? She has given service to at least four other people and I was obviously here first. "Did it upset you that my bag was overweight?" Then, she hands me my boarding pass. I make it through security and guess who's at the boarding counter, the same Bitch! I bypass her and make it to my seat on the brink of tears with knots in my abdomen that make my bowels feel loose. I try to relax sleeping through most of the four hour flight to Toronto with mouth wide open!

I make it into Toronto on one glass of orange juice and I'm starving. "Shit they don't take Euros." I continue to rest in my sundress and purple bonnet which covers my plaits. I make it on the airplane which was a task because the Canadian airport is definitely TopFlightSecurity! "Thank goodness I opted not to put that 'Mary' in my purse!" ;) I sit, "Oh goodness, here he comes the overly nice, loud talking mouth sprayer with a healing 'Blicket' on his lip. "Eww, gross." He sits beside as I am obviously trying to ignore with mi libros de Espanol. He continues, "Oh, no!" I actually have to respond. I keep it short, but he likes it long, 12 hours worth and I am drenched in saliva from his mouth with no sleep.

Germany, efficient and beautiful with nasty bathrooms. I am calculating the time between now and my last connecting flight as I wait in line for the security check. Finally I make it to the front of the line, but oh no they want me to take off my bonnet. I am in a state of panic. What should I do, swallow my pride and...but before I could respond she opts to take me into a private room assuming it was for religious purposes that my hair was covered, "Thank God!" I show her, grab my carry-on and head to the plane. "Yes only tres mas horas!"

I arrive...